Part 10: Episode IX: Rainbow Six (Hamilton Residence)

***** STAGE TWO *****

Episode IX: Rainbow Six (Hamilton Residence)

When last we left our heroine, she discovered she had magic girl powers and used it to defeat her nemesis, Bob, in an epically retarded manner. Also, there was some ghost exercising going on. She may also have a brain tumor or something, causing all that had happened so far to have been a dream. With that said, let's continue...


Kid, if your dreams involve London terror bombings, serial murderers, and anime, it is time to march right the fuck down to the nearest mental institution and check yourself in.


Oh, hell. Don't we get a breather from the chasing maniacs?


Careful now, kiddo. Just nice and easy like. You don't know what's out there. It could even be a...


FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!


Jesus Christ, did we take a left turn into Innsmouth between stages?


I'm going to ask you folks to watch the movie in the bonus material. I cannot do justice to Dennis' spastic noodle limbs nor his voice acting of a 35 year old Cockney fellow with a head cold.


Dennis proceeds to flail about and nearly topple off the roof of a which has clearly a flat surface at a top no one should be struggling to keep their footing on.

Alyssa pulls the dolt through the window and into the plot.


"Why the heck didn't you just use the front door?"
"It was locked."
"No it's not..."
"Well... I...err... didn't want to wake you up..."
"H-How long were you out there?"
"Until you woke up. Anyway... Long time no see, Alyssa."


"It must be... 3 years?"
"Not long enough. And could you not pad your crotch with my pillow. It's bad enough you were peaking in my window for who knows how long!"
_{"I liked the cowgirl costume..."}
"What was that?!"
"What? Nothing. Didn't say anything. What were you saying?"


Being zany comic relief, what else?


"I swear... to... God, Dennis! I will fire a magic arrow through what little manhood you possess if I turn around and see your penis!"


"Real friendly fellow, that."
<blank stare>


"What are you doing with it? You saw her! When?... And where? How coked out was she this time? Were her eyes bloodshot? Did she have her top on? Please tell me she had her top on this time! Answer me!"
"Calm down! Calm down!"


"She gave me a rather peculiar proposition and asked me if I liked popsicles. I told her I didn't. They make my teeth sting. From the cold, ya know? I love ice cream, though. Isn't that weird? Anyway, she put on her glasses and looked me over for a minute and kinda scrunched up her face. Like when you eat something sour. Not sure what that was all about, but she told me to forget what she'd asked. Then she started rambling about some incoherent mess. But, I gathered something about a 'dumb little twat not ever listening and coming back from boarding school'. I guess she was talking about you. She's not very nice."
"You don't say."
"Anyway, she went on this rather crude rant about kids and cursed a bunch before throwing this key at me and telling it to give it to you and something about a 'Vegas' trip."


"I'm proud she has such little faith in my ability to follow simple instructions. Just like her. She must want me back. She must have gone to meet me. We just missed each other!"


Those would be some hideous children.


"Your usefulness to the plot has ended. Show yourself to the door. Or out the window. Remind me to buy better curtains the next time I'm at the market."


Alyssa begins to run off but reconsiders for a moment. Meanwhile, in a shocking twist, Dennis seems to contracted the Black Oil from the X-Files.



"Puberty has beaten you so badly you're going to need a wheelchair."
"Ah, come on. That was then and this is now."
_{"It's also given you the fashion sense of Charlie friggin' Brown. Bugger off!"}


Pictured: Dennis Owen oozing sex appeal.


Alyssa leaves Dennis alone in her room. She finds herself hoping she put a lock and key on her alternate costume closet on the way toward her grandfather's room.



Old Dick has his digs beneath the main staircase. Terrible allergy to cats, you see.


Barging in on her Grandfather's private study, we come to find he was the scholarly type. Also, we discover there's a distinct possibility he may have vanished three years ago to keep tabs on his American fried chicken empire.


Right, then. Time for some privacy invasion.


The drawer on Dick's desk reveals a clue to a later mystery. The black arts of photography. A foe not so easily dealt with using magical arrows and Final Fantasy-esque summons.


Meanwhile, some notes on the desk in bright red THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT font give us an important clue. Also, there seems to a file beneath said clue. Since, we're dealing with a development staff not quite witty enough to integrate the clue into the file.

Book of Entities I

...So every serial killer in recorded human history was a result of evil spirits? Said spirits have resurrected their hosts, with the same exact method of murder afterwards. And fucking nobody has noticed this trend in centuries of its execution?


"It also fills up their life bars. With a maximum of two entire bars!"


So a secret sect of magical teenage girls have been locked in an eternal struggle with evil ghost serial killers for centuries?

I did just read that right...?

Really? Other people read that too?

I'm going to bed......

Tune in next time for:


PORTALS!


CORPSES!!


CLOCK PUZZLES!!!

But you still won't see:


A clock tower.

Bonus Content:

Dennis Intro Cutscene
Dennis Intro Cutscene (Mo-Cap Version)